Village Dialogues (1): Sexuality and Marriage
Monday December 5, 2005
There has been much interest in
the activities of the Africa Regional Sexuality Resource
Centre both at the Exhibition Centre located at the
Peace Park of the International Conference Centre
and at Booth 13 of the Community Village, adjacent
to Yar'adua Centre, here in Abuja. There were about
59 visitors to booth 13 from various countries including
Cameroon, Kenya, Uganda, Canada and Nigeria. There
was also a high demand for the ARSRC publications
– especially the various issues of the Sexuality
in Africa magazine.
During the ICASA conference, the
ARSRC is organising a series of dialogues on sexuality,
family and HIV and AIDS. The first of these dialogues
was flagged of on Monday December 5 and focused on
Sexuality and Marriage.
From 3 – 5 p.m., at the community
village, a lively and well-attended dialogue took
place at ARSRC's booth 13 on the theme for the day
- Sexuality and Marriage. Facilitated by Hajiya Bilkisu
Yusuf, a journalist and editor and founding member
of Federation of Muslim Women’s Associations
of Nigeria FOMWAN, the dialogue touched on a number
of key issues.
Discussions centred around sexual
needs and rights in marriage; the importance of communication
between partners; women’s socialisation and
the vulnerability of wives within marriage; and the
need for partners to remain faithful.
Hajiya Bilkisu opened the discussions
by painting a vivid picture of how marriage is conducted
among the Hausa-Fulani's of northern Nigeria who are
predominantly Muslims. A grand ceremony heralds the
nuptials, the very young bride (sometimes barely thirteen
years) has beautiful henna designs on her hands and
is accompanied by the bridal train to her new home,
amidst much fanfare. Nevertheless, she must eventually
face some of the stark realities of married life.
For instance, "a woman cannot cry during child
birth", said Hajiya Bilkisu who noted the implications
of this tradition within the context of obstructed
and prolonged labour.
She also noted that divorce is rampant
and can be done very quickly and the effects of these
on women, many of whom are ignorant of their rights
within the context of Islam. For example, a woman
has the right to negotiate with her spouse the terms
for the breastfeeding of their child. She has the
right to be paid for breastfeeding their child. She
also observed that in Islam, sexual dissatisfaction
is a ground for divorce.
Linda Otieno from Uganda, shared
her experiences from the Luo ethnic group. "Sex
is highly regarded among the Luo" she observed,
adding that for instance, at the official opening
of a new house, sex is a prerequisite. She noted that
even for a woman who is still recovering from the
death of her spouse, her inheritor (the one who inherits)
would expect to have sex with her.
Martin Harya, also from Kenya observed
that in the past, girls stayed in their grandmothers’
houses and were taught about sex but nowadays, they
learn from television and parents are not free to
discuss sex with their children.
Another participant expressed fears
about the increasing vulnerability of wives due to
high mobility of husbands who do not remain faithful
to their spouses.
Chief Obi, from Enugu in southeast
Nigeria, spoke about his experiences as a man who
has been married since 1966. He said two things are
required to keep a marriage going – love and
sex.
Partners must satisfy each others'
sexual desires, McAnthony Anaelechukwu of Vision Outreach
in Lagos, Nigeria stressed.
Mr. Fai Fominyen Ngu Edward, the
National President of Cameroon Traditional Medical
Practitioners stressed the need for mutual understanding
and dialogue within marriage. "Be honest with
each other", he said.
After the exciting debates, two
major recommendations made by participants were as
follows:
- Communication between
the partners is critical for the success of any
marriage
- Efforts have to be made to address
women’s dependency and vulnerability if HIV/AIDS
is to be addressed
The dialogues at the community village
continue on Wednesday December 7 also from 3-5p.m
on the following subjects:
- Forced Sex, Sexual Harassment,
Vulnerability and HIV/AIDS
- Pleasure Sexuality and
Sexual Health
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