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By
Yinka Jegede Ekpe
Yinka Jegede Ekpe found she was HIV positive
at age nineteen (19); a time when many young women
are dreaming of a bright and romantic future. Through
the struggle to stay alive, Yinka Jegede Ekpe has
learned to enjoy herself and to impact the lives
of others through her work as executive director
of Community of Women Living with HIV/AIDS in Nigeria
(NCW+). In 2003 she received the Reebok Human Rights
Award in recognition of her work. She recently delivered
a child who is HIV negative. Here, Yinka shares
with us her passions, thoughts and challenges as
a positive woman living in Africa.
Staying Alive
Yes, indeed, I am a sexual being because I have
life, I have feelings and I am human. I must however
add that as a PLWHA, there are additional precautions
that one must take in order to stay alive; it is
a responsibility and very challenging but one has
to just take it like that so as to stay alive. For
example, you have to have protected sex always.
Sometimes it may be very challenging but I think
with time one gets used to it.
Love, Parenthood and Parenting
I just had my first child. Having a baby involved
a lot of care and lots of medical advice before
we could achieve this. I did not opt for artificial
insemination; so my husband and I had unprotected
sex; we had to bridge the gap when we got to the
stage of having a baby. I found that medically,
you could do that. But it has a lot to do with ones
viral load, the CD4 count; you have to make sure
that the viral load is low and the mothers’
health is good in order to create an enabling environment
for the baby.
My husband had to keep checking; when we found
that his viral load was undetectable; mine too;
it was at that stage that we could have unprotected
sexual intercourse so I could get pregnant. I must
stress here that after getting pregnant, we stopped
having unprotected sex. We started using the condom
because some may think that having an undetectable
viral load is a reason to abandon caution.
Striking a Balance
Getting around these challenges and obstacles and
not allowing them get in the way of our love life
and relationships is much easier for my husband
and I because we are both positive and we understand
what it’s all about.. It is easier because
we discuss things, we put things on the table, we
reason together. We are also open to new information;
we seek people who are more knowledgeable on this
subject; and thus, we are able to strike a balance.
Advice for Intending Parents
If you are HIV positive and are thinking of having
a baby, the first thing you must do is discuss it
with your partner. It is not just about having a
baby; it’s not just getting pregnant and delivering
the child. There are many issues involved: there
is the issue of how to have the baby - do you want
to have it through vaginal delivery or a caesarian
section? Will you breastfeed or use infant formulae?
How much income do you have? A lot of factors have
to be in place before a decision is taken and it
has to be jointly taken.
Sometimes family members can also be involved;
whether in the areas of financial, emotional and
moral support; or even to help you care for the
child. When I came back from delivering my baby,
I had lost quite a bit of weight. My mother offered
to assist. It is much easier because I am not breastfeeding
so she can do a lot of the things on my behalf to
enable me recuperate fully. So, all these things
have to be in place. One must discuss the issue
fully before attempting to have a baby.
Baby’s Status
Yes, my baby is HIV negative. I just got the last
result. I did the test three times - at birth, at
one month and six weeks, respectively. I did the
last test in Nigeria. Yes, I am very happy. It was
worth it after all the drugs, the endless needle
pricks, Caesarean section and tears. She is my first
baby.
.
Enjoying Pleasurable Sexuality
What may be satisfying and pleasurable for us may
not be for other people. Sometimes just talking
about issues; and touching can be satisfying for
both of us. We love doing fun things together. We
live close to the waterfront; sometimes, we stroll
on the beach, talking, we leave everybody behind.
Major Challenges
One of the challenges I faced was when I reacted
so much to a particular batch of condoms. My mind
was off sex completely and I tried to avoid it because
I knew we had to use the condom. I think the problem
may have been due to storage of the condoms. Afterwards,
when we changed the condoms we were using, I did
not have such a reaction. Also, when I was pregnant,
I did not want to be touched. I knew it was not
fair on my husband but emotionally I just could
not handle that.
Positive Living in Africa
You need a lot of things, especially food. You need
drugs – ARV and opportunistic infection drugs.
You need an enabling environment. For example, our
drainage here is usually blocked and mosquitoes
breed rapidly in the blocked and stagnant drains
– and that is not living positively at all.
You need good potable water so that one can avoid
water-borne diseases. If HIV positive and you want
to live positively, one needs to run away from every
source of infection – these infections tend
to depress the body’s immunity the more.
Sometimes, we contribute money and buy kerosene
to pour in the drains to destroy the mosquito larvae
while we wait for the drains to be unblocked. Tap
water is boiled and we have a water filter to ensure
that the water we drink is safe. For drugs - we
have been advocating - and we have some drugs but
we still need more. We need more of ARVs and drugs
to treat opportunistic infections. It is the opportunistic
infections that kill PLWHA faster.
Even if PLWHA want to have a baby, how do they
take care of that child? My husband and I were discussing,
the other day, how many tins of baby food our baby
has consumed. As it is now, the smaller can goes
for N1,200 ( about US$9) and the bigger one costs
N2,100 (about US$16). How many families will be
able to support a child? If they choose infant formulae
as the option, how will they sustain this? Cost
of living is so high and there is no support for
PLWHA. Unemployment is high too. PLWHA should be
supported to live independent lives and not live
as invalids.
HIV Positive and Seeking A Partner
It is very difficult. At the age of 19 when I found
out I was HIV positive, I had to inform the person
I was dating at the time. It was difficult because,
you are not sure how the person may react. I brought
it out. He stood by me and wanted to remain by me,
but I wanted the break up. In school, I opened up
to my mates – it was like opening a can of
worms. Whenever they saw me talking with a guy,
they would warn him, “do you know she is…”
This would scare or cause a PLWHA to remain silent.
So many young girls will keep quiet, even though
they desire a partner or husband. As a young girl,
it is very difficult. Some girls opt to stay alone
but then due to constant pressure from family and
friends who do not know what they are going through,
they are forced to go into a marriage. In all of
these, counseling is very important.
I met my husband at a meeting with other PLWHA
at Kaduna. We were very good friends for a long
time before we decided that marriage was what we
wanted. We let our children know about our status(my
husband already had children). That way, they also
contribute to our care and support. For instance,
they would warn, “don’t drink that water,
mummy, it is not boiled. It will affect your health”.
This provides the opportunity to also discuss a
lot of other issues with them.
Source of Strength
What has kept me going so far? First and foremost,
God, secondly my daughter and my husband who always
says to me ‘you are not going anywhere’.
We always say that to each other. Then, I have my
friends and loved ones. That is why I am still around.
I still have a lot of work to do.
Advise to HIV Negative People
Those who are not positive should not look at life
as piece of cake. They have to guard their status
jealously. If you are still negative and have all
the information at your fingertips, you must ensure
that you protect yourself. Whether positive or negative,
you have to be sure of the partner you are marrying.
The key thing is, protect you.
* Yinka Jegede Ekpe is the executive director
of Community of Women Living with HIV/AIDS in Nigeria
(NCW+) and 2003 Reebok Human Rights Award Winner.
(Interview was conducted by Arit Oku-Egbas and Ijeoma
Alisa)
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