By Rowland Jide Macaulay

 

How would you define marriage?

   I would define Marriage as the union between two adults, either heterosexual or homosexual. For the benefit of sexual minorities or same gender loving people, marriage can be extended to same gender loving people that are in a committed relationship and ready for a (legal) recognition. However it is important to note that there should be a legislative clarity on the age of the persons concerned.   Marriage can also be defined as the legalizing of the commitment between two people. It could be legalized under the law in places where there is a law to legalize such unions, especially for same gender loving people. It is also a way in which two people further show their commitment to each other sometimes by exchanging wedding bands or rings, which turns marriage into a covenant. It is however generally difficult for same gender loving people to show such public confirmation of their relationship. However, in countries like South Africa, United Kingdom and Canada it is legalized. Also under the law, marriage gives couples rights to inheritance, child custody, etc.

Different forms of marriages?

   There are different forms of marriages. There is the marriage between older men and much younger women in cultures where very young girls are given away in marriage; marriage between men and women of the same age group, since heterosexual marriage is known widely and is more popular as the societal norm. There are also homosexual marriages which are marriages between two men or two women; these are popular in countries like Canada where they are governed under the Gay marriage Act, South Africa (Gay marriage Act) and the United Kingdom (Civil Partnership Act).

Are there temporary marriages?

   I don't believe that there are temporary marriages. Marriage is more or less a formal way of showing or sharing a long term commitment in a relationship. There are some relationships that might come to an end as a result of mutual agreement between either parties or other factors, like natural consequences such as death. I see so called temporary marriages as marriages under duress.

Marriage or long term relationship over time

   Marriages can and people do change over time in relationships. It all depends on their ability to handle changes in their relationships. These changes can and sometimes do come about when people are not committed to their vows and relationship for different reasons such as distance (a situation where both parties do not reside in the same place), economic changes (poverty), illness etcetera. Both parties have to understand that marriage is a lifetime commitment, therefore they have to keep reinventing the love in their relationship, stick to their vows regardless of the situation and they should have the ability to endure both positive and negative changes as enduring the changes is the most important thing in marriage.

What do you know about Polyamorous Relationships?

   Well the one I know of is polyandry, which is originally a situation where one woman is married to more than one husband, but these days it can be explained as a committed relationship between three men or three women in a same sex relationship. These are relationships defined by the parties involved. I have met three men who have been in a committed relationship for about fifteen years.

   I believe it is okay. As a liberal theologian, it is not right for me to judge others. As long as the partners in the relationship are happy, care for and have made a commitment to each other, that's all that matters. It is however important to be aware of the possibility of the spread and dangers of Sexually Transmitted Infections also known as STIs and HIV. The risks in a homosexual relationship are the same as in a heterosexual relationship. But where the three parties are faithful and are not infected then such a relationship is safe as such health concerns do not come up. However, there could be other health concerns such as heart failures or death; in such cases the need to negotiate who will be the next of kin is also important. Certainly there are more complicated decisions to be made in polyandrous relationships as against monogamous relationships. The only problem with polyandry is that it is not accepted into the norms of our society. Personally, I do not believe the Bible would condemn such a relationship as long as the people are in agreement. After all, Sarah introduced Haggai to her husband, Abraham. Would Jesus discriminate?

As a pastor, how do you view the precepts of the Bible regarding monogamous and polygamous or polyandry relationships.

   If one takes a conservative and extreme fundamental interpretation of the Bible, it can be one man and one woman. However when one looks at the joy and satisfaction of a polygamous or polyandrous relationship then the joy is mostly fulfilling and the Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4: 9 that two are better than one. Therefore one has to look at it from a broader perspective. Often people forget that the decision and the commitment is between the people within and not outside the parties and they often judge because they do not fit within the societal norms or the so called definitions we are used to. Once again, I don't think the Bible would condemn such relationships as long as the parties are sane and make the right decisions that they want to be in that relationship.

Relating marriage to African values and reproduction

   As I mentioned earlier, marriage is the commitment between two people who love each other. When we start to look at reproduction, we are narrowly saying that marriage is for procreation and not for pleasure. That would then bring a negative effect on same gender loving people because they are at a biological disadvantage. In the 21st century as against the 16 th century, there are a lot of options for same gender loving people to have children if they choose to. It must also be noted that there are heterosexual couples that can naturally not have children. Should this take away the fact that they can still have sex for pleasure?

So who do you think should be married?

   With regards to gender, it could be two men, two women, man and woman or simply any two people that are in love or choose to marry each other. They should be given the right to marry as these are part of the essence of human rights. In different communities and institutions, people need to be guided safely towards making choices that feel right to them. There are a lot of issues around sexuality education, but when people are genuinely in love they should be given the freedom and the opportunity to exercise that love by extending it into marriage. One must however be careful, because some might think it is proper for a parent to marry out a child (an under aged girl). Whether the child is adopted or is a biological child, there should be laws to protect children from such marriages.

With regards to relationships, how do you view the trend among young people today?

   The trend is slowly picking up. The awareness of choices is very important and with good education, and support mechanism in the society, people can make informed choices. They can also make decisions they feel are right for them and not necessarily what is right for the society. People usually complain of influence from the western world over Africa but this is not true, as different forms of relationships have not only always existed but evolved in different communities. The trend is allowing education to evolve in a natural way so that people can be well informed. There is a lot of stigma for same gender loving people in Africa, particularly in Nigeria. And the lack of education and awareness makes it more difficult. The trend can be said to have been closeted because it is filled with shame and guilt. For example when two men are lovers, they are often regarded as friends or brothers by unsuspecting neighbors and this is not always very good.

What are the implications for these relationships and the rights of the people involved? Should the law enhance the rights of people in this type of relationships in Nigeria?

   From a legal perspective, the implications for homosexual relationships are not different from heterosexual. The Bible says (Romans 13) the Ruler of the country has been placed as a ruler over us, but it is possible that the ruler is ruling over people in Terror. In Nigeria the government is ruling over homosexuals in terror by not giving them their rights.   If a country provides protection for same sex relationships, legislative statutes would be put in place. Domestic violence is also the same in heterosexual and homosexual relationships, as it is still violence in both cases. In the United Kingdom where there is a Civil Partnership law which gives gay men and lesbian women the right to marry, there are also laws protecting such people from abuse with access to rights of next of kin and child custody, if children are involved. In some countries where there are laws for same gender loving people to marry, there are still disparities with heterosexual couples. The right of people in relationships is important, the right of next of kin, adoption, right to have biological children, custody etcetera. However, there are different implications for these rights in different countries. In Nigeria, the government has succeeded in having the same sex prohibition bill passed into law, but by the popularity of the bill, even if it is not passed into Law, there should be another Law that should seek to protect homosexuals from other forms of violence, whether it is violence in the relationship, family, neighborhood, at work or the society at large.

How would you explain same gender loving in relation to your religious beliefs?

   There is no doubt that the bible talks about the fruit of the flesh and the fruit of the spirit; the fruit of the spirit includes love and joy and against these there is no law. Therefore if a man loves a man then a community should rejoice with them and should be encouraged, since we believe so much in the scriptures. Also the bible says you should love your neighbor as yourself and this includes not harming your neighbor in any way. Homosexuality is not a sin but homophobia which is the hatred of homosexuals. This is not only a sin but also a crime. There is no criminality in same gender loving relationships except in a country where there is no law safe guarding their rights. As a Christian community in Nigeria we are mindful of the law, therefore we do not actively promote homosexuality; we discreetly say to people who are homosexuals that they need to live their lives as they are. It is true that the law does not promote, encourage or protect same gender loving people; they however have to work together to find justice. We should celebrate love and not hate.

*Reverend Rowland Jide Macaulay, LLB, is an ordained minister of the gospel, Christian Theologian , inspirational speaker, poet, openly gay pastor and the founding pastor of House of Rainbow Metropolitan Community Church, Lagos Nigeria. He holds a degree in law (London) and a Masters degree in theology. He also moderates an online e-group to raise awareness and bring love and comfort to many Black or African lesbian, gay, bisexual, transvestite and transgender people all over the world.   http://groups.yahoo.com/group/africangaychristians/