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By Marlene Wasserman
Introduction
Fourteen years ago I came out as a couple and sex therapist. Like my country, South Africa, coming out from years of sexual repression, darkness and criminalization into the light of a sexually democratic nation, I acknowledged my curiosity and great desire to make a difference to people's sexuality and relationships.
I began my academic and clinical career as a Clinical Social Worker with a special interest in psychopathology. I then did a Masters degree and became a Family Therapist. In my work with families I understood that children's pathologies were merely symbolic of their parent's difficult relationships. I removed the children from the therapy room and began couple work. Only to find that couples wanted to speak about sexuality.
As is well documented, the study of sexuality has to be done within an integrative bio-psycho-social model. In addition, analysis and understanding of sexuality have to consider the political, socio -economic and cultural climate of a person within a society. Applying this model to my experience, South African sexuality was seen primarily within a medical context which determined which behaviours were "normal" and which were "pathological". For example homosexuality and masturbation were abnormal illnesses. Much sexual behaviour, for example loving and being sexual with the person you chose irrespective of race and culture, were illegal and punishable by law. The Apartheid government ensured censorship of press and freedom of speech which removed people's rights to learn about sexuality via schools, homes, pornographic material, sex toys or religious institutions. And religion continued to exert control and regulate people's sexuality.
Any sexual pleasure and fantasy in South Africa was deeply repressed and suppressed. People knew the expression thereof led to imprisonment, shame and pain. Against this backdrop couples turned to me for sexual counselling.
Being raised in a family of politically aware activists, human rights were deeply entrenched into me. I merely discovered a new outlet for my commitment to human rights: sexual and reproductive health rights for all people. This included and embraced the concept of the right for all people to have sexual pleasure and fantasy as is stated in the World Health Organization's Bill of Sexual Rights (2002)
In my passion for skills and knowledge I was left with little choice but to travel to United States of America for training and accreditation and finally a Doctorate from the Institute of Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, San Francisco, CA, USA.
Fifteen years later, I am the voice of sexual and reproductive health rights in my country. My organization, branded as DR. EVE, represents the principles of all human rights organizations. I stand for advocacy, lobbying, treating, educating and informing all people of my country. In turn I am deeply committed to carrying the voice of South African sexuality and relationships to the rest of the world.
Mission
My mission is to advocate, lobby and educate people about their sexual, relational and reproductive health rights. My mission is to teach people about their sexual and relationship rights, responsibilities and rewards, including pleasure and fantasy. Included in my mission is my commitment to clinically treat people who struggle with gaining pleasure within themselves and their intimate relationships. On an equal level of commitment my mission is to bring Africa, specifically South Africa, into the international arena of awareness, an arena which can benefit from learning about our unique sexual expressions of pleasure and fantasy and of course , contributing their experience to our country.
A passion for pleasure and fantasy for a better, healthier sexuality of all people in my country motivates me to continue this work. There are many obstacles to working in this area both from a human rights angle as well as a personal level. People continue to be steeped in fear and ignorance which inhibits their pleasure and limits their fantasies.
The importance Of Pleasure And Fantasy
The words "pleasure" and "fantasy" have many different meanings and interpretations. Within a macrocosmic context pleasure is essential as a motivational factor in all people's lives. The expectation of pleasure drives people into positive ongoing rewarding behaviours. During the Apartheid regime there was no expectation of pleasure due to the controls exerted as described above. Thus people lived fearful and unhappy lives which extended into unhappy interpersonal relationships. Within a microcosmic context one of the ways people seek pleasure is through sexual relation. If pleasure is expected within interpersonal relating then people keep seeking this relationship. Research indicates that sexual expression has many health benefits (Whipple, WAS, 2007). Sexual health clinicians encourage people to have sexual pleasure as it is healthy and contributes to overall quality of life.
However for South Africans today, sexual and loving pleasure includes abuse, violence and HIV/STI's. It is thus imperative that people are educated about how to have and enjoy responsible sexual and relationship pleasure. This forms an integral focus of my work.
Fantasy is imagination. Stress, lifestyle realities such as crime, violence and living in a country with the highest HIV incidence, plus the highest femicide and abuse statistic requires people to fantasize a lot on a macro level. We need to fantasize about feeling safe, about being able to negotiate condoms and having responsible sexual experiences.
On a micro level people are enveloped in performance anxiety and response pressure. They need fantasies to overcome sexual dysfunctions and regain confidence as lovers. The Internet and mobile technology provides an overdose of fantasies creating a whole new set of sexual & relationship challenges for people and clinicians to manage.
Education, responsible decision making and knowing your right to pleasure and fantasy are part of the work I do in my organization.
Lessons
My lessons include remembering this and working more compassionately as well as more doggedly in this area. I have learned that sexual and reproductive health rights, including the right to pleasure and fantasy, need to be taught, within a context of human rights thus one cannot compromise on these rights.
I have learned that education, access to information and resources and services are essential to pleasure and well being of all people, ranging from young people to ageing people. I have learned that ignorance, fear and myths about sexual pleasure and fantasies ultimately cause violence and death.
I have learned that as educators, parents, clinicians we are responsible for the loss of pleasure and worse. Thus it is incumbent upon all of us to carry out our responsibilities: let's talk about sexuality!
* Marlene Wasserman is a clinician, educator and sexual activist. She is fascinated with the mysteries of relationships, love and sexuality and committed to promoting sexual health and reproductive rights. Dr Wasserman is also the author of Dr. Eve's Teen Sex Book .
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